Week 9

Aaron went to Miami and I instantly got down. Stayed in bed until 5 pm, reading, snacking, crying. There's no point to feeling scared about what happened last time, but I've been having morning dreams about worrying about that very thing.

Emotional. To combat this, I looked at baby pictures on the Internet. Constipated and alone. (Except for little beauty Olive.) She's such a beauty I can feel it already. Must keep my mind off things.

9 weeks - what a milestone. I feel positive, I feel like I've been pregnant forever, since after the last miscarriage my body still thought it was pregnant until May really when I became pregnant again. Reminds me of the abortion so many years ago when my breasts leaked milk months afterwards. They were ready for baby, but baby wasn't there anymore. Such a wonderful consuming process, pregnancy. I've given up so much already, surrendered to procreation and its ways.