Week 13 Day 4
I am on the verge of the 2nd trimester, yet still nauseas. It is possible to be nauseas for 9 months I understand.
I went to the beach today, to Long Beach with a girlfriend. We lay in the sand, read pregnancy magazines and discussed girl things. It was quite satisfying. She said she would definitely get an epidural. And another friend also recently told me of her perfect painless epidural birth. As a result I've been wondering if my natural birth ideas are...weird or something. Should I use technology that is available? No, I change my mind again. I want to feel it all, my baby ripping through my skin, etc. Yes, I'd rather not be doped up. Well, unless they let you smoke a joint or something. That would certainly be okay with me.
I am not a hippie or anything. I'm a completely modern, corporate, bourgoisie type. I only think I'm a hippie cuz I like to read Kerouac and Rumi and zone out. I also like to criticize anything "corporate" even though most of my work is setting up and advising corporations. I'm biting the hand that feeds me. I even used to romanticize nomadic living. Until I went camping in the desert. After 2 nights we transferred to a hotel suite by the beach.
I recently saw "The Story of the Weeping Camel," and it is a must see for mothers. I cried sweet tears of lovely emotion. I do think crying is okay while pregnant as long as it is not hot bitter tears - those should be avoided. The mother camel is so beautiful and moody. She does not rejoice in her maternalness but falls prey to a kind of removal of herself from her mama identity. It is her first calf and she cannot bring herself to mother it after a painful and long labor.
I hope that when my baby is born I'll look into her eyes and fall in love. I already love her. But I do understand how confusing it is to first become a mother and lose yourself a bit. I feel moments of ecstasy in this pregnancy. Lots of the other moments are uncomfortable and a teeny bit depressive. Why is my life so different? I miss jumping running lying on my back, sleeping without having to get up 4 times to pee. I long for brie and chocolate mousse and eggs benedict and coffee and red wine and campari other unlawful stuff. I am so emotional. My clothes don't fit. My brain is foggy. It's not so bad, though. After all I shed a million tears praying for this baby and now my dreams are coming true.
I went to the beach today, to Long Beach with a girlfriend. We lay in the sand, read pregnancy magazines and discussed girl things. It was quite satisfying. She said she would definitely get an epidural. And another friend also recently told me of her perfect painless epidural birth. As a result I've been wondering if my natural birth ideas are...weird or something. Should I use technology that is available? No, I change my mind again. I want to feel it all, my baby ripping through my skin, etc. Yes, I'd rather not be doped up. Well, unless they let you smoke a joint or something. That would certainly be okay with me.
I am not a hippie or anything. I'm a completely modern, corporate, bourgoisie type. I only think I'm a hippie cuz I like to read Kerouac and Rumi and zone out. I also like to criticize anything "corporate" even though most of my work is setting up and advising corporations. I'm biting the hand that feeds me. I even used to romanticize nomadic living. Until I went camping in the desert. After 2 nights we transferred to a hotel suite by the beach.
I recently saw "The Story of the Weeping Camel," and it is a must see for mothers. I cried sweet tears of lovely emotion. I do think crying is okay while pregnant as long as it is not hot bitter tears - those should be avoided. The mother camel is so beautiful and moody. She does not rejoice in her maternalness but falls prey to a kind of removal of herself from her mama identity. It is her first calf and she cannot bring herself to mother it after a painful and long labor.
I hope that when my baby is born I'll look into her eyes and fall in love. I already love her. But I do understand how confusing it is to first become a mother and lose yourself a bit. I feel moments of ecstasy in this pregnancy. Lots of the other moments are uncomfortable and a teeny bit depressive. Why is my life so different? I miss jumping running lying on my back, sleeping without having to get up 4 times to pee. I long for brie and chocolate mousse and eggs benedict and coffee and red wine and campari other unlawful stuff. I am so emotional. My clothes don't fit. My brain is foggy. It's not so bad, though. After all I shed a million tears praying for this baby and now my dreams are coming true.
posted by Mama at 10:00 AM
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